CONSUME.

  

BEHOLD THE MAJESTY

IT LIVES AGAIN!!!

Give Unca Jack yer money (and tell 'im we sent ya)!!!

Mutants In The News — "Where Creatures Roam... Where Beasties Creep... Where Spooks Skulk, Shimmy, and Slink" Edition

Face front, True Believers!

We spectacular sages here in The Bullpen strongly suggest you start saving your shekels and simoleons, 'cuz you dare not skip our sense-shatteringly scarifying Shocktober issue of TALES TO FLABBERGAST!

This astonishing comic will have it all:  Adventure!  Danger!  Excitement!  Horror!  Intrigue!  Suspense!  Thrills!

Scripted by those sultans of stupefying storytelling, Jocular Justin and Alana "The Mama" Davis, and pencilled by none other than that grand guru of the gargantuan, Chris "The Wiz" Wisnia!

You simply must read this tremendous tale of trepidatious, tot-anic terror we just had to call, "The Power...and The Placenta!"

IT'S MUTANT MONSTER MATERNITY IN THE MIGHTY MARVEL MANNER!!!

Megafoot Needs You!

The IndieGogo campaign for The Greatest Movie Of All Time draws to a close on April 6th.

Give them your lucre, people, so I can eventually stat this beastie for the Devastation Drive-In series!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

FOR THEY ARE LONGING FOR YOUR BLOOD!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

BECAUSE IF YOU SCREAM...YOU'RE DEAD!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

...FOR PASSIONATE DREAMS...TURNED INTO A LIVING NIGHTMARE!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

FOR IT IS REAL...IT IS EVIL...IT IS HERE!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

...FOR A GEOMETRICAL PROGRESSION OF DEADLY MENACE!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

FOR YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

PREPARE YOURSELVES...

FOR IT...IS COMING!!!

THE SHOW IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.

PREPARE YOURSELVES!!!

Mutants In The News — "Chickens Come Home To Roost" Edition

When we last mentioned Friend Of The Field Guide Legion McRae and his intrepid artisans at Interloper Miniatures, they were all hard at work bringing my favorite RPG mutants of all time to life!

And their labors have hatched!  

Just check out the majesty provided by master painter, Chad Lascelles!

And here's the rest of the figs, unassembled and unpainted!

Check out the eyepatch on the rightmost rabboid!!!

In the Mutant Future, cyclops-chicken-with-a-molotov fries YOU up!!!

Buggoids gone bonkers!!!

Syd & Marty Krofft WILL NEVER DIE!!!

Man.  I haven't slopped paint on minis since I was about 14, and there is NO WAY I'm gonna make them look as spiffy as ol' General Cluck up there.  Daunting!

—

Good Mr. McRae assures me that more miniatures are in the works, and that he'll have a website up sooner than later.  You'll definitely want to send him some sweet, sweet lucre in exchange for his special brand of post-apocalyptic goods and services.

Thanks again, Interloper!

(I would've posted about these about a month ago, except I kinda-sorta lost the package they mailed back in June in a deluge of wedding gifts.  The little critters got boxed in a crockpot, of all things. Yeesh.)

Smarmageddon!!!

I'm so tickled by Jack Shear's Planet Motherfucker, I set up another blog dedicated to its trashocalyptic, psychoholic sleazery.  There's a tumblr and everything!

If you like my Devastation Drive-In nonsense—and based on the utterly boggling number of hits the Rottweiler and Robot Monster entries get, SOMEONE does—I think you'll find something of interest over at...

THE HAUNTED SPOOKSHOW OF CHANNEL X!!!

"S" is for "Shameless Self-Promotion"

With a wonky work schedule (which is humble, coy code for "100-hour weeks that zombify me") and honeymooning and con season and assorted nonsense, I tend to forget all the cool stuff that goes on in my little plot of the irradiated wastelands.

Such as this thing:

That, my merry mutants, is the cover to Jungle Castle Rock Apocalypse, by Formal Friend Of The Field Guide, Dustin Brandt (of Fire In The Jungle fame).

It's a "a post-apocalypse fantasy role-playing setting and adventure supplement...more like Ralph Bakshi's Wizards than Mad Max."

And my favorite thing about it?  It's chock full o' monsters from this very blog!  Mr. Brandt handpicked his favorite, "most jungle-y" specimens, and set them loose in his product!

That.  Is.  AWESOME.  So go buy his magazine and/or PDF.  It's a bargain!

And Our Friendly Neighborhood Sniderman kindly reminded me that I completely spaced on mentioning this little gem.

Remember my "Ruins Of Woebrook" adventure I posted, then yanked, a few months back?  Well, here's why I pulled it...

It's been published!  Yep, I'm a fancy big-city author now, thanks to those dandy dudes at Skirmisher Publishing (who do the snazzy Wisdom From The Wastelands series).

Here's a link, if you are so inclined to splurge on a scenario summed up thusly by one of my players:

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

I can't think of a better review.

Mutants In The News — "Digging Through Ditches, Burning Through Witches" Edition

Anyone who visits this blog during any given October knows that I'm a huge, Huge, HUGE fan of psychotronic, sleaze-o-rama, drive-in fare.

Monsters & mutants & mayhem.

Bikers & babes & bloodshed.

Celluloid & screams & stickiness.

Gimmicks & gratuitousness and gore.

I've tried to do my little part to celebrate the genre, but I'm a mere Ed Wood when compared to the bastard 3-way-love-child of William Castle, Roger Corman, and Herschell Gordon Lewis that is Jack Shear, over at the must-read Tales Of The Grotesque And Dungeonesque.

This man is my hero, because he's made MY ULTIMATE DREAM POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG that I didn't even know I wanted until he first brain-dropped about it!!!

AND IT'S FINALLY HERE.

Welcome to Planet Motherfucker.

It has everything that I love in a setting (hell, everything I love in LIFE):  post-apocalyptic trash-fantasies and horror-honeys and hot rod hearses and psychobilly insanity and more monsters than you can shake an electric pitchfork-guitar at.

= Justin's Brain.  SCIENCE!!!

I totally bought it.  You should, too.  (And there's even Lulu coupons, so I hear.)

Seriously, Shear's got THE GOODS.  He's in my Top 3 favorite bloggers, amongst those titans Our Friendly Neighborhood Sniderman and The Abominable Dr. Causey.  Show him some love.

I'm A River To My People. A Glowing, Radioactive River. Full Of Toxic Monstrosities.

Well, color me giddy.  (You can find that in your Crayola box between "Aflutter" and "Nervously Queasy".)

I'm not really sure what they're thinking, but those mad bikers of the apocalypse over at Skirmisher Publishing—you know, the deviants behind the best 99¢ you can spend on gaming PDFs, the snazzy Wisdom From The Wastelands—invited me to run The Ruins Of Woebrook at this year's Comicpalooza show.  Nifty!

And I'll be hosting a pre-game seminar (no, I can't believe I get to use that word, either) on how to make your very own mutant for the event.  Because if there's anything I've learned as a Mutant Lord, it's that the judicious application of random mutations make adventures shine.  You just never know when the ability to shapeshift into a man-sized worm that slithers through the dungeon's ruin's plumbing will come in handy.  (Yes, I've truly seen it happen...and it was as awesomely ridiculous as it sounds.)

The schedule's here for all the other snazzy games planned (sweet spermatazoa of Krakatoa...LOWLIFE!), but my timeslot is from 1pm-6pm on Saturday, May 25th.

If you're a local, come slang some dice...and if you're not, buy an airline ticket and come to Texas.  It'll be a hoot AND a holler!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving!!! The Thing That Just Won't Die!!!

If late-night creature-features have taught me anything, you can't keep a good abomination down...and you never know when it's going to strike again.

Which means that Christmas Eve is the perfect time for a rebroadcast of October's Spawn Of Devastation Drive-In event...

...now in convenient PDF form!!!  Download it from the handy-dandy widget, right over there!!!

(Yeah, yeah...it took me long enough.  It's just that after a full month of greasy corn dogs, fruit sours by the pallet-ful, and flat, sticky soda (well, I sure HOPE it was soda), I could barely look at the material without getting the dry-heaves.  Then came those danged space-apes.

And I apologize in advance for any egregious typos and/or grammar issues.  My eyes have plum glazed over, y'all.)

Happy Halloween all over again.  And have a very merry and super-safe ChristmaSolstice.

Money CAN Buy You Happiness

Because if you aren't absolutely, positively giddy that such miniatures exist in this day and age, then you may have been replaced by a space-pod.

Or a robot.

OR A POD-ROBOT...FROM SPACE!!!

Do you want that to happen?  DO YOU?!!!

—

Just look at what a month's worth of Happy Meal funds can get you....

Brainy Buggoid!!!

Rabbitoid Rampage!!!

BFC!!!

There are 5 days left in Interloper Miniatures' funding campaign for some sweet, sweet mini-mutants, and the crew is halfway to their modest, too-good-to-pass-up $5,000 goal.

So come on, people...go drop some change in their jar.

BECAUSE I NEED CYCLOPS CHICKENS TO MAKE MY LIFE COMPLETE!!!

I BEG YOU...FOR THE CHICKENS!!!!!1!!!1111!!!1!1!!!

The Film Broke. So Go Get These Treats At Our Concession Stand!!!

We here at A Field Guide To Doomsday have made no secret of our love for the twisted minds at Interloper Miniatures.  They deserve all our money, because they're doing The Lord's work.

And thanks to you Elite Readers Of Clear Distinction And Taste, the base funding for their AMAZING project is already at 30% after just one week!  That's awesome!

But that still means there's 70% to go, so mastermind and all-around renaissance man Legion McRae has teased us with more of what's in store when the project succeeds.

ARMED ANTEATERS!!!

RAMPAGING REPTOIDS!!!

PACKIN' POULTRY!!!

BLASTIN' BUNNIES!!!

BLADED BUGGITES!!!

IF YOU LOVE JOY...IF YOU LOVE BLISS...IF YOU LOVE TOUCHING THE DIVINE, YOU'LL MAKE THIS CAMPAIGN HAPPEN...FOR THE WORLD NEEDS MORE MINIATURE MUTANTS!!!

So just click right here to open your wallets...and fill your souls!!!

STOP THE PROJECTOR!!! BRACE FOR BREAKING NEWS, THREE DECADES IN THE MAKING!!!

In 1982, an astonishing oviporous onslaught such as the world had never seen unleashed The Most Amazing Atomic Antagonists Of All Time...but we were ill-prepared for their  malevolent majesty.  They returned to the wastelands from whence they came, forgotten and forsaken.

But, lo!  All the portents have proven true...as from the irradiated ashes, they arise again!!!

For here, in 2012, in coincidental conjunction with their 30th anniversary, comes...

MARVELOUS METAL MINIATURES MOST MUTAGENIC, MIGHTY, MONSTROUS, MALIGNANT...AND MODERATELY MONOCULAR!!!

—

Want to add rampaging radioactive reprobates to your gaming table?  OF COURSE YOU DO!!!

Friends, they have 'em all!

BLASTING BUGGITES!!!

RAMPAGING RABBITOIDS!!!

AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THOSE FANTASTIC FUTURISTIC FOES MOST FREAKISH AND FOWL...

CALAMITOUS CYCLOPEAN CHICKENS!!!

& POLYPHEMIC FEATHERED FIENDS!!!

—

Friends, you CANNOT let these pass you by!  THEY MUST BE YOURS, TODAY!!!

Don't walk—RUN!!!—on over to Interloper Miniatures' Indiegogo page, and give them all your filthy lucre.  And don't let paltry personal budgetary concerns like "shelter" and "sustenance" and "schoolkids" deter you, either...YOU HAVE A KIDNEY YOU AREN'T USING, SO SHADILY SMUGGLE THAT SUCKER WITH A QUICKNESS!!!  NO EXCUSES!!!

PLUS, THE STRETCH GOALS ARE INSANE, WITH THE POTENTIAL FOR MORE BIRDS, PIGS (or, more correctly, PIGSTRONAUTS!!!), ANTEATERS, AND APES!!!  MAKE THESE HAPPEN, PEOPLE!!!

Be sure to tell them that A Field Guide To Doomsday sent you!!!