Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Devastation Drive-In: The Final Cut — 'Killer Condom' (1996)


No. Enc.:  1 (2d12)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  180' (60')
      —Swim:  60' (20')
Armor Class:  -1
Hit Dice:  1d2 HP
Attacks:  1 (bite)
Damage:  2d4 + Special
Save:  L1
Morale:  9
Hoard Class:  None
XP:  8

Some of the ugliest wars The Ancients fought weren't over territory or resources, but morality and culture...

...and certain unhinged scientists waged a crazed crusade on "immoral coitus" with living, bio-engineered birth control...


In the resource-deprived, health-deficient Mutant Future, family planning is almost as important as sustenance and shelter...and that makes bloodrubbers amongst the most terrifying creatures in existence.  The worm-like monstrosities appear as ordinary, coin-sized prophylactic artifacts (with chameleonic camouflage so convincing, they Surprise on a 1-5 on 1d6)...but upon being rolled onto male genitalia, they sprout needle fangs and bite with savage ferocity.  Anyone wearing a bloodrubber must make a Saving Throw Vs Death at a -6 penalty or be immediately castrated, suffering the initial bite damage and an additional 2d6 damage per round until treated...usually via cauterization!

Bloodrubbers are also active hunters, zipping at amazing speeds and leaping up to 20'. They can detect and target male reproductive organs at a range of at least 100'.  The creatures lack digestive systems, however, and don't feed on the penises they sever; no, they simply disgorge prey right in front of their victims, and race away to hide to be worn again and again and again....

Bloodrubbers are usually found boxed in medical caches and ruined pharmacies.  However, some escape their packaging to congregate in sewers, stagnant water, and trash receptacles.  These "wild" bloodrubbers target males and females alike, biting any jutting anatomy (noses, fingers, etc).  Such attacks sever as above, but with only 1d4 rounds of extra blood loss.

As if the standard variety wasn't horrible enough, there are larger—and toothier—bloodrubbers engineered for males of more...prodigious...proportions.  These "magnum" specimens have 2 HD, and bite for 2d8 damage, castrating as above.

Bloodrubbers are so tiny and fast, they are nearly impossible to strike in combat.  The most effective way to kill one is lure it onto a rubber hose, then inflate with air, gas, or liquid until bursting.

Thankfully, bloodrubbers are unable to breed on their own, and can only be created via complicated Ancient genetic machines.  Woe be to the planet if a genocidal cryptic alliance got their hands on such a device!

Bloodrubbers and fuckslugs are natural enemies.

Mutations:  Enhanced Sense ("Genitalia-Detection Sense")

Magnum variety

(Totally a picture of a guy with a giant condom-monster on his face.
The lighting is TERRIBLE.)

They're an unholy genetic "cross between a giant worm,
a jellyfish, and a piranha...[or] latex with a centipede!"¹

1:  Actual film dialogue