Thursday, October 4, 2012

Spawn Of Devastation Drive-In — 'Slumber Party Massacre II' (1987)

Artifact:  Debase Guitar

As idyllic and wondrous as The Times Before seem to those scavenging in the blasted wastelands, some Ancients were brutal lunatics that butchered their fellows with any number of insidious implements...

...but perhaps none was more demented than the instrument that pierced your mind and soul with its magnificent music...


A debase guitar is a cumbersome, 25 lb., stringed instrument with garishly stabby design flourishes and a conspicuous 24" long drill at its head.  Only those possessing a STR 14 and (at least) two human-like hands—with corresponding phalanges—can manipulate it properly. The device functions without any obvious power source.

When played, a debase guitar produces squealing "rock and/or roll" music that Paralyzes any sentient being (who can hear, naturally) within a 100' radius upon a failed Saving Throw Versus Stun.  The tunes carry up to a mile away.  When wielded in melee combat, the guitar's megatanium drillbit bores through even the hardest of substances, treating any armor as if it is 4 AC worse and doing 2d8+20 damage per strike.

Debase guitars are amongst the rarest of artifacts, and fetch tens of thousands on the open market.  And they are never found in treasure hoards; instead, they are encountered exclusively in the clutches of sadistic rockabilly mutants  in fusion-burnin' funnycars, defrosted clones of Rock Gods wracked with cryogenic dementia, and cornpone, pizza-chain beast-bots run amok.