Friday, June 27, 2014

Mutants In The News — "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" Edition

How'd they get there, you ask?  They're hold-overs from deceased drug lord Pablo Escobar's menagerie.

"For about two decades, they have wallowed in their soupy lake....  Nobody knows how many there are," reports William Kremer.  They're also venturing far and wide, with some being spotted over 150 miles away from their birthplace.

And get this mind-boggling mutato-liciousness:  male hippos in Africa attain sexual maturity in seven to nine years, and females nine to eleven...but thanks their spectacularly perfect living conditions, these South American residents are reaching it in as little as three.  "All the fertile females are reported to be giving birth to a calf every year."

Seriously, the article's a fascinating read, and explains why "they escaped from zoos" isn't so far-fetched an explanation behind the monsters of the post-apocalypse.


  1. That's a horrifying picture. I think H.R.Giger must have got some of his inspiration from a similar picture.

  2. This ain't your 'normal' blog post, dude; our salvation lays within these very words if you're wise enough to discern their nuanced metaphor --- Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s gonna be like for us: meet this ultra-bombastic, ex-mortal-Upstairs for the most-extra-blatant-and-groovy, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, eternal-warp-drive you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal. YES! For God, anything and everything and more! is possible!! Cya soon...

  3. I hope you typed that between bongo beats, while wearing a beret and smoking clove cigarettes.