Sunday, June 9, 2024

"S" is for "Sneakstank"

Here's another collaborative beastie arising from our Umerica group.  Each player rolled on the ol' mutations chart from Maximum Mutagenesis (which is a danged snazzy tome), hence the resulting ridiculousness.


Sneakstanks are roughly man-sized crabs (around 4'-5' tall, and about 6' wide) with bulbous eyes and scaly, reptilian limbs.  Their mouth-mandibles end in small manipulative claws.

Sneakstanks are cunning, and while certainly no geniuses, are intelligent enough to utilize any tech that fits in their "hands".  Like piratical gondoliers, they pole across the waters via "trashbergs" to plunder unassuming coastal communities.

Sneakstank:  INIT +3; ATK big pincer +5 melee (2d6), small pincer +5 melee (1d6); AC 10 (d5 Armor); HD 3; MV 20' or 60' swim; ACT 1d20 (big) and 1d16 (small); SP Abnormal Limbs, Aquatic Adaptation (Water Ambush), Gigantic Proportions (Huge Eyes), Queasy Emissions (Offensive Odor); SV Fort +4, Ref +0, Wil +2; AL N or C.

Abnormal Limbs:  lizard-like

Aquatic Adaptation (Water / Sand Ambush):  lies in wait under the surface of either water or sand, gaining a surprise attack against oblivious foes [must roll an Intelligence check at DC 15 to detect]. Successful surprise attacks are automatic critical hits.

Gigantic Proportions (Huge Eyes):  gains +10 to all visual perception checks; can see perfectly well in the dark; gains +2d to stare down an opponent.

Queasy Emissions (Offensive Odor):  exudes a foul miasma that induces retching to all within 100’.  Getting closer requires a WILL save at DC 14; failure indicates convulsive gaging, inflicting a -2d penalty to all actions while within 100’ of the creature.  A new save must be made each round for those who choose to remain near the crab. Failing three saves in a row will cause the person to effectively be "turned" (as Turn Unholy of the core DCC book, pg 96-97).

Thursday, May 9, 2024

"P" Is For "Pizzly" (Or "B" Is For "Bobble Bear")

This unholy creation was a collaborative effort amongst my long-term Umerica group.

We're starting a new campaign in the ruins of Aleutian Alaska, and the worldbuilding naturally involves new beasties.  Player M picked "grizzly / polar bear" hybrid, and The GM had us each roll an ability on the amazing mutation charts.

Sooooo Much Better Than Standard
Mutant Crawl Classics Rules

Meet the resultant monstrosity! 

Pizzly (aka Bobble Bear) 

Pizzlies are enormous ursines with freakishly enlarged heads with corresponding brains. They can--and do--consume anything, but posses a particular fondness for petroleum products. These chemicals leach into the fur, resulting in a protective plasticine coating; a dead pizzly's hide can be fashioned into tools and armor.

Two tentacles sprout from a pizzly's backside, and are deft enough to manipulate weapons and objects.

Pizzly (aka Bobble Bear): INIT +5; ATK bite +8 melee bite (1d14+2), claw +8 melee (1d6), tentacle slap +8 melee (1d3); AC 13 [d5 Armor]; HD 5+3; MV 40'; ACT 2d20 & 2d16 (tentacles); SP Carapace Protection (Plastic Shell), Gigantic Proportions (Head), Heightened Attributes (Agility), True Omnivore, Xenomorphic Traits (Tentacles); SV Fort +7, Ref +3, Wil +3; AL N or C.

Carapace Protection (Candy-Colored Coating): covered in resistant plastic-like fur and nodules increasing Armor +2d; can be fashioned into wearable armor and other implements.

Gigantic Proportions (Big Head): +1d5 to all Intelligence checks (as raccoon / dolphin / ape) and bite damage by +2d.

Heightened Attributes (Increased Agility): +2d to all Agility checks and Reflex saves.

True Omnivore: gains sustenance from eating meat, plants, and any / all petroleum products. 

Xenomorphic Traits (Tentacles): multiple tentacles grow from the creature's body; can use as well as normal limbs (and actually better, as can manipulate objects!) and grants 2d16 action dice for the tentacle’s actions.

Saturday, October 28, 2023





(By Mustafa Bekir of Neon Lords Of The Toxic Wasteland fame, based on my clumsy version below.)

Sunday, September 3, 2023

"One Thing About Santa Clarita I Could Never Stomach: All The Damn Vampires"

Enjoy another new Dark Inheritance for Weird Frontiers.  This'un rounds out the various "main undeadlies" included in the core rules.  PDF is over in the files!


Power costs 1 point of Personality.

Kin-folk:  Vampire

Duration:  1d3+CL rounds

Visage:  The tommyknocker’s face becomes chiropteran, with ridiculously protruding ears, flattened upturned nose, and jutting snaggle-toothed fangs.  Their sunken eyes glow with unholy radiance, and fingers, connected by webbed skin, sharpen to elongated points.  Dripping spittle renders them nigh-unintelligible.  Attire becomes shrouded in cobwebs writhing with insects and graveworms.

Power:  The tommyknocker’s senses heighten to those of an apex predator.  They can see in abject darkness, and gain a +4 bonus to all visual-, auditory-, olfactory-, and gustatory-related rolls.  Furthermore, the tommyknocker gains a wall-crawling climb speed of 20’, and the ability to make standing leaps of 15’.

Curse:  The tommyknocker becomes malevolently ravenous for the lifeforces of the weak and infirm.  They must make a WIL Save of DC 10 each round to avoid assaulting the closest ally / friendliest NPC with the lowest current Hit Point total.  A successful attack grapples the victim, doing 1d6 biting damage the first round and 1d4 exsanguination damage each subsequent round until the effect ends.  Living targets reduced to 0 Hit Points in this fashion awaken as Vampires after three moonrises with a burning hatred for their tommyknocker sire.

Wednesday, August 23, 2023

"T" Is For "Trenchmouth"


Trenchmouths are sentient garbage disposals.  Their bulbous, rubbery, tripodic, sofa-sized bodies are essentially all snaggle-fanged mouth.

Trenchmouths sport three elongating (up to 15' each) tentacles, and the two thickest end in prehensile graspers with retractable grip-spines.   The slender third has two night-vision eyes and a "brainwave radar" nodule that detects (but can't read) thoughts of intelligent beings and psionics / mental mutations in a quarter-mile radius.  Trenchmouths are thereby impossible to Surprise.

When attacking at range, trenchmouths lash with both arms to smash, ensnare, or both.  Grasped targets suffer 1d6 damage upon initial contact and each round thereafter, and must make a DC 15 STR check to escape.  If a trenchmouth successfully snags the same target with both tentacles (during the same round, or eventually), its quarry is immediately retracted for a free bite attack.  Trenchmouths are otherwise only able to chomp adjacent targets.  Anyone bitten by a trenchmouth must make a DC 15 Fort Save or come down with ghastly gastro-intestinal strife (aka "trench-trots") that induces temporary 1d4 damage to STR, AGL, and STA, halved movement, and -4 to all rolls over 1d3 days.

Trenchmouths lair submerged in cesspits, sewers, landfills, junkyards, dumpsters, grease traps, and porta-johns.  Accordingly, they are immune to all toxins and diseases, and Surprise foes on 1-5 on 1d6.  And between their spongy mass and clinging "slimy trash coating", trenchmouths only suffer half damage from clubbing- and crushing-based attacks.

Trenchmouths speak Common, Trucker, Pervert, and the secret gurglings of ooze-dom.  Ambitious trenchmouths may take up adventuring, as they are surprisingly deft for their bulk and can manipulate most weapons, tools, and artifacts.

Trenchmouth (statted for Dungeon / Mutant Crawl Classics)

Init +3; Atk tentacle bludgeon +5 melee (1d10+2) or tentacle grasp +4 melee (entangle plus 1d6 per round) or bite melee +3 (2d8 + disease); AC 16; HD 8d8+17; MV trundle 20' or float 10'; Act 2d20; SP camouflage, constriction, disease, infravision 120', mind-sense; SV Fort +13, Ref +4, Wil +10; AL C

Tuesday, August 15, 2023

Be Fruitflyful And Mummify, Y'all!

I love DCC, and been enjoying the heck outta Weird Frontiers via Zoom.  (For the uninitiated, it's essentially Goodman Games' version of Deadlands.)

Here's a new Dark Inheritance for Tommyknockers, PCs who die during the funnel process and come back as spoooooky undead.

Hope y'all find some use!  (And the PDF version is over in the files.)


Power costs 1 point of Personality.

Kin-folk: Mummy

Duration: 1d3+CL rounds

Visage: The tommyknocker’s body desiccates. Their skin tightens and shrivels, and their height diminishes by six inches. Sinews pop and joints grind with every movement. Attire becomes weathered, tattered, and drab.

Power: The tommyknocker’s jaws distend to disgorge frenzied bugs (scorpions and centipedes if assuming the mien of an American mummy, or scarabs and locusts if Egyptian, or crawdads and dragonflies if bog variety) that swarm all targets within a 10’ long, 6’ wide-at-apex cone. For the duration, victims suffer 1d4+1 damage per round, and sentient opponents lose 1d2+1 AC [only at the onset; not cumulative] as they panic from the infestation. The tommyknocker’s compadres are ordinarily unaffected if caught in the area of effect.

Curse: The tommyknocker is overwhelmed by feelings of smug superiority and contempt for the lesser beings that dare intrude in its domain. They must make a WIL Save of DC 10 each round to keep the swarm focused on enemies; failure means bugs attack foes and friends alike.

Friday, August 11, 2023

Mutants In The News — "It's The Heat *AND* The Humidity" Edition

This was already proven over forty years ago by esteemed climatologist Max Rockatansky and his colleagues, Drs Nightrider and Toecutter.  Hrmph.

Yet again, the future is gonna be terrrribleWorth the read over at NPR.

Thursday, August 10, 2023

The Guys Of Wrexus Are Upon You — Meet Jimmy Drips, Moist Miscreant!

 (cross-posted from here)

Everybody needs to know a guy who knows a guy... and Jimmy Drips is the best guy-knowin'-guy around.  Just ask 'imhe'll tell ya!

Ya need dope?  Wheels?  Girlies?  Hoodoo?

Fer enough wet wipes and beer, Jimmy Drips can make it happen, baby.  And ol' Jimmy doesn't mind gettin' his hands even dirtier for a pal like yerself, 'cuz Jimmy loves ya!

(But keep him away from your own stash and ride and gal and mojo, 'cause those dirty hands of his get pretty busy ...and NEVER let him cover the escape route.  That's a surefire way to find yourself, as they say in the vernacular, "wrexus'd".)

[In Don't Mess With Wrexus: The Movie, Jimmy Drips is portrayed by Steve Buscemi.]

What the hell kinda mutant is Jimmy, anyway?  He's a Rawhead

And Rawheads are survivors.

Some escaped midway through dinner with clans of chainsaw-cannibals.  Others peeled themselves up off the asphalt after the worst hot-rod wrecks imaginable.  A few even clawed their way free from Hell's sweltering Agony Engines.

But all left something behind amidst the trauma:  their skins.

Most Rawheads try to make the best of their supernatural transitions—despite the incessant oozing—and return to some semblance of *snort* normal.  But those of the more unhinged variety scheme to reclaim their former lives by any means necessary, and all they need is a facelift... or, more accurately, someone's face to lift in the most felonious of filleted fashions.

One more thing:  if you wanna die—and die ugly—call a Rawhead a goodbody to its face.  Slurs don't get much worse.