Cherished Patrons:
We here at The Devastation Drive-In would like to apologize to you for the numerous projection difficulties this Halloween season. And given how this was to be the very last of our celebrated sojourns into the sordid cesspools of sinister celluloid—it was billed as The Final Cut, after all—we are particularly pained by the anticlimactic experience.
So many pictures went un-screened, like the promised Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde and Killer Klowns From Outer Space. And many other secret features fell by the wayside.
While we ultimately accept full responsibility for the operations at our theatre, in our defense, there were exigent circumstances. How could we predict some selfish louts would birth a baby right in the middle of the parking lot? Had they no decency, no modesty, no simple consideration for their fellow film enthusiasts?
To rectify this shamefully disappointing and disappointingly shameful situation, we promise to present the remaining films at a later date before the year's end. We haven't decided if some will randomly trickle out over the course of the next two months, or if they'll be part of another annual seasonal celebration. Your input is certainly appreciated.
Again, we offer our most sincere apologies. Please accept these passes for free future admission (with valid purchase, of course) and a complimentary snack at our concession stand.
Your humble servants in cinema,
The Management
